I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
