So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm always down for nudity.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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