I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
