I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
