apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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