I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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