Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
