I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
