I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
