Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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