doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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