The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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