I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize