Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
