i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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