you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
