Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
