can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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