I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
