You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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