Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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