I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
