The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
