im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
