I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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