Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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