HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
