I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
