you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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