we made out on top of his cat.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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