I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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