I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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