he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
