i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
