i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
