Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
