i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
