I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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