can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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