I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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