I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
