I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
