Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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