dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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