I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
