Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
