She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There r osticjed everywhere
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
