she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
