C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
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This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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