she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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