If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize