my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
