well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there was a trapeze. enough said
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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