i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
