I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
