How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
