So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
