Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
