Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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