last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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