Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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