i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
