would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
